The Challenge Of Ageing

A relative whom I have not seen since her perky teen years has reached the age of 81. It took me a while to wrap my mind around this realization. And, as I did, I was reminded that I, too, have aged and am (mirabile dictu) older than she.

As I mull these tidbits around in my brain, inevitable questions arise:

“After so many years, what have you done with your life? What values do you finally embrace? How will you be remembered?”

I am told that age has its prerogatives, so let me ask for your tolerance as I share a few observations with you.

To Begin With . . .

As we age, we realize that we have endless reasons for gratitude about the stunning mysteries of life into which we are immersed. At the same time, aging also reminds us of the mistakes we’ve made which o’ershadow our sincerity and obscure our goodness.

We surely know that goodness is our most desirable goal, but goodness is also a challenge which never ends. Yes, we are born with freedom to choose goodness, but our lesser propensity is to deny our mistakes and choose the easier way.

Thus, many of us spend our years distractedly, trying to fulfill our desires. Some desires are noble, others demeaning and unworthy. But, sooner or later (if we are honest with ourselves) we realize that we are not laws unto ourselves, not totally free from restraints. Like it or not, we are subject to God’s Commandments and to the limits of our created nature. It is also true that our mistakes spring from human weakness but, hopefully, as we age, we look candidly beyond ourselves to summon up courage to change what may still be our hurtful ways.

The Nip Of Reality

So, sooner or later - willingly or unwillingly - our minds take us beyond our achievements and our distractions. Our self-importance fades before the simple fact that a thousand years are but a moment in God’s eternal now. We are accountable both to God and to others with whom we share the gift of life.

Some people mistakenly believe that God uses our iniquities to gin up His anger and pummel us. Other folks seem indifferent to Divine authority which they dismiss with a wave of their hand, just as they dismiss an attentive waiter.

Whatever our response, God persists. Hopefully as we age, we learn to accept God’s compassion and love, rather than trembling at His imagined vengeance or ignoring our responsibilities to Him and to one another.

And, hopefully, with Faith renewed, we are evermore grateful for our remaining days, as age teaches us to appreciate the grand mystery of life … especially our own.

In Search Of Truth

Where do we find clarity?

For me, the answer to life’s challenging questions is found (1) in the Christian Faith - specifically, the Catholic Church - and (2) in the way of life proclaimed by the Virtues. I admit, however, that aging may bring us insight into all this, but aging does not bestow ease nor fluency to this endeavor. Why? Because our humanity is still with us, still harping with shrill egocentrism. So, even as we age, “issues” linger. For example:

T’is still a challenge to do what is right and good, generous and kind, forgiving and selfless.

T’is still a challenge to stifle temper and pray with serious intent for those who readily insult and knowingly offend.

T’is still a struggle to live according to the Virtues, especially in a world which so often dismisses Virtue’s strenuous call.

Nonetheless, the validity of Christian belief is clear. For starters, History and Revelation supply overwhelming objective evidence that many Church teachings are organic to Christian doctrine, natural outgrowths of our search for Scriptural clarity over many centuries.

More than that, our experience of goodness and kindness, patience and understanding offers indisputable personal testimony to Virtue’s desirability in human affairs.

The Fundamental Error

Despite the preponderance of evidence, some skeptics still see Christian beliefs as harshly medieval, fit for brainwashed minds and stiff-necked leaders; to be obeyed from fear rather than love. Opponents often point to moral failures of Christians as “proof” that Christian doctrine is untenable.

It’s a mistake to reject Christian belief because some adherents betray its fundamental tenets, just as it would be a mistake to reject America’s founding principles because some citizens fail to live up to the Constitution. It is not the “System” which is at fault; it is the errant humanity of some followers.

So, let us be clear: the Christian message exists to nurture our relationship with God through Christ. Christ is not an unreachable ideal. He is (1) the origin of our salvation and (2) our guide in our search for personal goodness.

The cumulative evidence says: This Faith, this Church, this religion, this spirituality is a gift which God has given you and Christ bestows. You are wise to accept this gift.

Asking The Right Questions

For me, then, the answer to the core questions of life is not a matter of "What" but of "Who."

Christian Life is not about rules and punishment. It is about our two-way relationship with our loving Friend, Jesus. It is about our striving to be faithful in a relationship built on understanding and forgiveness.

This relationship offers us the Love of God through Christ. Contrary to what skeptics say, God is not vengeful, cruelty is not a Divine attribute, and God does not behave like the worst of us.

Then why do we have pain?

Pain and adversity are universal in human affairs, unavoidable experiences of the human condition … but they are not arbitrary exercises by which God displays power.

For each of us, our pain is our opportunity to unite ourselves with the example of Christ, Who suffered before us in ways both physical and emotional. Accepting His suffering was Christ’s way of revealing to us the Love-unto-death which fills our lives, a Love which few of us can match or comprehend.

In our own lives, our deliberate acceptance of unavoidable pain is our way of saying that (even when we hurt and lose heart and doubt and misunderstand and even despair) we still believe Christ is always with us, loving us, smiling with profound understanding. He trod His own painful path of lonely adversity before us, so we accept our pain and use it to unite ourselves with Him, and we do so gratefully.

Thus, Christ whispers to us: "Come on, keep going, follow me, we can do it together, for I am with you always." And, as He did, despite our weaknesses, we are given the help we need to carry our Cross, to face ourselves … to live and carry on, as He did.

The Divine Mystery

People who focus fixedly on God's anger have a misconceived vision of God’s intent in our time-limited world. True, this is an understandable human error because we are submerged in our affairs, pre-occupied with distractions. But we often miss God's goodness and Christ's patient attention when we mistakenly rely too much on our own devices and do not see beyond ourselves.

Happily, our search for meaning is why God gives us (1) the ability to know, and (2) the freedom to choose. When we study the evidence of History and finally accept the Love (not vengeance) at the center of Christian life and the Catholic Faith, we will not then be swayed by people who knowingly distort facts for their own misguided ends.

We are meant to freely choose and freely follow the Christian message where it leads - far beyond our suavely bumptious selves into the loving, forgiving world of Faith and Hope … where we are meant to be, in the first place.

Finally . . .

Finally, the question of our legacy still hovers. How do we wish to be remembered?

As I age, I realize not many of us will be long-remembered and, then, only by few. Nevertheless, I would like my legacy to be a happy whisper in the minds and hearts, souls and memories of those whom I love, those whom I try influence for God’s own purposes.

So, I pray I will be remembered with a smile, happily recalled by those to whom I strove to bring God’s own redemptive love.

I pray my legacy will be a loving memory which prompts them to do what is moral, good and kind. May they understand that nothing done for love of God and for the good of others goes unnoticed in the Divine Plan. And may they remember that even the smallest gestures of kindness are ever-rich in God’s own timeless currency.

In these ways do I hope to be remembered.

And you? How about you?

Daniel Boland PhD is a psychologist and writer.